He Asked Me to Die, So I Did.

Sixteen, that’s how old I was when I unexpectedly saved Julian.

To repay me for saving his life, he spent the night making sure my gambling stepfather, the one who’d broken my legs, landed in prison.

Afterward, still bruised, he gently ruffled my hair, a small smile on his face.

Skylar, with me around, no one will ever dare to bully you again.

He kept that promise, protecting me year after year.

Because I once said I loved classical music, he pushed himself to become the most renowned pianist in the country.

Until five years later, at our engagement party, he was kidnapped.

I threw myself to protect him, hitting my head on a stone pillar.

The severe trauma slowly stole my mind, leaving me increasingly confused and child-like.

From that day on, Julian never touched a piano again.

He stayed by my side, caring for me day and night.

This went on for three whole years. The once-celebrated genius pianist, a household name, faded into obscurity.

On his thirtieth birthday, I’d prepared a house full of surprises just for him.

But my memory was so bad. I not only got lost trying to find him, I almost got into a car accident.

When the driver called Julian, I could hear a girl’s soft gasps coming from the other end.

I didn’t understand why the driver’s face turned crimson, only that Julian was furious.

So I asked him.

“Julian, what kind of birthday gift do I need to give you to make you not angry?”

Julian’s voice was flat, devoid of emotion.

“Then go die.”

He said it so seriously, I didn’t react right away.

The driver muttered a few more warnings.

Half an hour later, I saw Julian’s custom luxury car parked by the roadside.

His white suit was a mess, and one of his socks was even on inside out.

The driver stood with his hands on his hips, his grating voice like a skipping record from an old-timey musical.

It was kind of scary.

“What kind of guardian are you? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a dummy in a wheelchair, who can’t even tell north from south, to be wandering around in the street?”

“Good thing no one died, just a minor scrape. If she tried to pull a fake accident on my watch, I’d make sure you both ended up in jail!”

The driver spit on the ground near Julian’s feet.

“Damn unlucky, running into a dummy like this…”

Julian bent down, expertly offering a card as an apology.

Five minutes later, the driver grumbled and drove off.

I knew. I had messed up again.

Julian turned to look at me, his eyes, usually so gentle and calm, now seething with rage.

“Skylar, how many times has it been this month? You’re either lost or on your way to getting lost.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stay home? Why don’t you listen? Do I need to chain you up to make you obey? Do you have any idea how much trouble you cause me?!”

His hand tightened on my shoulder, little by little.

It landed right on the fresh scrape from the accident, sending excruciating pain through me.

I had never seen Julian so angry. Confused, I held out the crooked cake I had made, stammering my explanation.

“I’m sorry, Julian. I just wanted to bring you a birthday cake.”

“I waited for you all day at home, but you didn’t come, and my calls went unanswered.”

His face grew even darker.

He swatted the cake out of my hand.

“Eat, eat, eat! What else do you do all day besides eating and drinking?”

“Skylar, I’m human too. I have my own life. I don’t have time to play house with you!”

I watched the cake splattered on the ground like mud, my eyes welling up with tears without me even realizing it.

I had spent so long learning how to make it, pestering our neighbor Martha.

Martha hadn’t wanted to teach me at first.

She’d joked, saying a little dummy like me shouldn’t even bother.

It was only after I’d begged her for three days and three nights that she finally caved.

Julian’s voice was hoarse with anger, and his grip on my shoulder tightened even more.

“Enough, Skylar!”

“How much more trouble are you going to cause me?!”

My whole body trembled, tears streaming down my face, unbidden.

“Julian, it hurts…”

Julian suddenly let go. A vein throbbed on his forehead.

The next second, he’d pulled me from my wheelchair and dragged me into the passenger seat.

He took me to the hospital for more thorough checks.

In the office next door.

Julian, holding my medical report, repeated the same question for the third time.

“Doctor, is her condition really incurable?”

“I can pay. Any amount. The hospital needs funding, right? I can provide it, as long as you can cure her.”

The doctor just shook his head, helpless.

“Mr. Julian, you’ve asked this many times. The world’s leading experts have all been unable to do anything. I also…”

The light in Julian’s eyes died.

Julian punched the wall.

His knuckles scraped raw.

People bustled past. The young nurse bandaging my hand knew me from three years ago.

She openly gossiped with her colleagues.

“How is this dummy hurt again? How many times has she been here now? Once a week, she’s more diligent than I am clocking in for work.”

“Her caretaker must be so pathetic. Stuck with an incurable dummy like her, he’ll probably be dragging this dead weight around for the rest of his life.”

“If you ask me, she’d be better off just dying early. Save everyone the trouble…”

So, everyone thought I was a burden.

What about Julian…? Did he also think I was a huge problem?

I desperately shook my head, waving my hands, trying to fool myself.

“No, I’m not a burden.”

“Julian said I wasn’t…”

I wanted to find Julian and ask him, but I forgot that I’d been paralyzed ten years ago.

The medicine vials on the table clattered to the floor.

Julian appeared in the room, I don’t know when.

“Skylar, what are you doing?”

Julian’s face was cold as he helped me up from the floor.

The shattered glass from the medicine vials had pierced my palm.

Julian’s lips were bloodless from biting them. He slowly closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, they were bloodshot.

“Skylar, I was only gone for ten minutes. Why did you hurt yourself again?”

“I’m not your slave! I can’t watch you every second!”

His voice grew louder, almost a scream.

“Why can’t you just take care of yourself? Is your brain messed up *and* your eyes blind? Can’t you see those big glass vials? Did you have to bump into them?!”

“When will you stop making me worry?”

He slumped, punching his thigh, tears gathering in his eyes.

“Skylar, is this my punishment for you saving my life? Why me? Why always me?…”

I wanted to comfort him, reaching out to touch his head.

His hair, slick with gel, felt stiff and prickly under my touch.

“I’m sorry, Julian. I’m just too clumsy.”

“I’ll… I’ll be good from now on.”

“Don’t cry. Your eyes will hurt if you cry too much. I’ll listen to you from now on…”

I wanted to lift my hand to smooth the worried lines from his forehead.

But he dodged my touch.

A new nurse came in and re-bandaged my wound.

Julian went out to take a call.

It was from Isabelle.

The girl who grew up with Julian, who was on his phone wallpaper, the one people often mentioned.

I didn’t know what they talked about.

I only knew that on the way home, Julian drove incredibly fast.

The tires shrieked against the pavement.

The buildings outside blurred past.

Just as the speedometer was redlining, I heard Julian call my name.

“Skylar, I’m so tired.”

“Let’s just die together, okay?”

His voice was flat, but held a rare seriousness and determination.

I didn’t understand what he meant by “die.”

But I knew Julian was so good to me, and I was willing to “die” with him.

So I stared into his eyes and answered, just as seriously as him.

“Okay.”

Julian clearly froze for a second.

Just as the car was about to hit the guardrail and plunge into the river, he violently swerved the steering wheel, slamming on the brakes.

We both slammed our foreheads into the dash.

After a long moment, he lit a cigarette, his body slumped against the seat, but his fist pounded the dashboard.

“Skylar, what am I going to do with you? My debt to you was almost repaid. Why did you have to save me again?…”

“Why do you always make me owe you? Why is it always like this?”

The corners of his eyes were rimmed with an unhealthy red.

I clutched the hem of my shirt, at a loss.

Like usual, I reached out with my other hand to pull on his fingers. Only this time, what met my touch wasn’t his comforting squeeze, but a men’s ring on his right middle finger.

I remembered, Isabelle had one just like it.

“Julian, I’m sorry. I won’t run off again.”

I didn’t want him to be angry.

So I asked again.

“Julian, what do you want for your birthday this year?”

Martha said wishes made on birthdays always come true.

I had collected a house full of birthday presents for him.

Surely one of them would make him happy.

I wanted Julian to be happy.

Julian sharply inhaled, not even glancing up.

He put out the cigarette.

Repeating the words he’d said two and a half hours ago.

“Then go die.”

Before I could ask further, a video call came in.

It was Julian’s friends.

Behind them was a hotel lobby, confetti scattered all over the floor.

“Julian, today’s your engagement party with Ms. Isabelle. Are you really going to ditch her like this? Aren’t you afraid she’ll be mad?”

“Do you really want to drag this dummy around forever? Is her family dead or something? Why does she cling to you?”

“Honestly, just send her to a psych ward and be done with it. Stop letting her cause you trouble everywhere…”

Julian turned off the speakerphone, but their words still drifted straight into my ears.

Old memories suddenly became painfully clear.

The moldy, damp basement, my drunken, gambling stepfather.

I tried to find some happy moments in them.

But there were none.

Ever since I could remember, the man who called himself my father had only ever beaten and cursed me.

The only salvation in my dark world was probably Julian.

He always said he owed me a debt of gratitude he had to repay.

But actually, I was the one who owed him.

If he hadn’t burst into my bleak life like a beam of light that afternoon.

I probably would have died under my stepfather’s knife long ago.

I didn’t really understand what “death” meant.

But if my death could make Julian smile again.

Then… I was willing.

“Julian, don’t worry. I won’t be a burden to you. Your birthday wish will come true very soon.”

Julian hung up the phone.

I didn’t hear what he said after that, only that he visibly let out a sigh of relief.

Julian locked me in the house and left again.

I frantically searched through all the information I could find.

Finally, I understood what death was.

The internet said that death was leaving this world for another.

I didn’t want Julian to die with me.

Because that would mean he also had to leave this world.

He must not want to leave his friends and family, not want to leave this world.

So I would leave alone.

But I was still so sad.

That way, I wouldn’t be able to see Julian anymore.

So I still picked the lock and slipped out.

I wanted to see Julian one last time.

To tell him not to be sad anymore, that I had a house full of birthday presents for him.

And that I was leaving soon.

But before I could even leave the complex, Isabelle’s car blocked my way.

She kicked over my wheelchair, then stepped on my hand, grinding it against the ground.

“Skylar, how can you still live here so shamelessly, staying by Julian’s side?”

“If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t be living in constant guilt, taking antidepressants every day. You’re nothing but a leech, just like your gambling stepfather. You have dirty blood.”

She gripped my jaw so tight, the ring identical to Julian’s dug painfully into my chin.

“Do you know why he stopped playing the piano? It’s because of you! Because every time he stepped onto that stage, he’d remember that he was the one who hurt you so badly. He feels he doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve such a good life. If it weren’t for taking care of you, he would have been a world-renowned pianist long ago!”

“As long as you’re alive in this world, he’ll suffer for another day.”

I didn’t understand what she meant by “depression.”

I only knew Julian was sick.

I didn’t want Julian to be sick, didn’t want him to suffer.

I wanted to tell Isabelle that I would die soon, and then Julian wouldn’t suffer anymore.

But what came out was.

“Julian, don’t be sick. Be well. Live a long and happy life.”

Isabelle’s face flushed red, and she suddenly screamed at me.

“Skylar, your act might fool Julian, but it doesn’t fool me!”

“If you want him to live a long life, then just die! Only when you’re dead will you stop affecting him, stop being a burden!”

“Slit your wrists, drown, car crash, hang yourself… there are so many ways to die! Why don’t you just die?!”

My face was scraped raw against the ground.

The protective charm Julian had given me was being trampled under her foot.

He had climbed nine hundred ninety-nine steps to get it for me three years ago.

I had treasured it ever since.

So I pushed her with all my might, trying to get the charm back.

“This is Julian’s… Don’t step on it.”

“Don’t.”

Isabelle was shoved by me, falling backward, straight into Julian’s arms.

Julian’s face was cold as he shielded Isabelle in his embrace.

The next second, I was thrown to the ground, my tailbone screaming in agonizing pain.