I had been married to Ryan Hayes for three years. Hed hated me for five.
Every night, in our bed, he moaned my sister’s name.
My sister Maya was supposed to be his wife, but she drowned in a lake five years ago. So he married me instead.
On the sixth anniversary of Maya’s death, I went to the hospital for a check-up.
Ryan dragged me from the hospital to her grave. He forced me to my knees, making me listen to every raw word of his love for her.
I cleared my throat.
“Ryan, if I bring her back to you, will you finally agree to divorce me?”
“How the hell are you going to bring a dead person back to me?”
“Remember this, Clara. You killed her. You’re going to spend the rest of your life at my side, paying for what you did.”
My words hit a nerve, igniting Ryan’s fury.
His handsome brows furrowed, and those soulful eyes, usually so full of deep affection for others, now turned glacial.
His long, slender fingers closed around my throat.
A slight squeeze, and I gasped for air, my lungs screaming.
“Apologize. You shouldn’t make jokes like that at her grave.”
Lack of oxygen made agonizing tears stream down my face.
My phone slipped from my hand, clattering to the ground.
Seeing it, Ryan instinctively loosened his grip. “Just apologize, and I won’t hold it against you anymore.”
But then he turned, his eyes landing on the still-lit screen of my phone, and his expression froze.
It was a photo.
A girl, seven parts like me, provocatively dressed, picking up clients in a sleazy club.
He stared for a moment.
Then, the veins on the back of his hand pulsed, and his voice dripped with intense disgust.
“Clara, how could you be so vicious? Setting up a photo like this for a dead person?”
“Or are you saying you found some club girl to get surgery to look like Maya, and now you think you can live the rest of your life guilt-free?”
I saw his face and knew there was no point. Nothing I said would matter.
It was easier to just give up.
So I did. I offering apologies to a tombstone that only held Maya’s clothes.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry…”
I repeated it until my throat was parched, and my vision blurred.
Only then did Ryan pull back his hand.
I couldn’t control it. Violent coughs ripped through me, each one threatening to tear my insides out.
Seeing the deep red marks on my neck, a flicker of self-reproach crossed Ryan’s eyes.
He seemed to want to help me up, but then he saw Maya’s tombstone and froze.
“Stop trying to look pitiful. This is what you deserve.”
I didn’t say anything else, dragging my heavy body along, trailing behind him.
Back in the car, the silence was terrifying.
Usually, I was the one to break the ice.
But this time, I was truly exhausted.
Leaning my head back against the seat, I slowly closed my eyes, only to hear Ryan’s voice.
“Weren’t you going to the hospital? I’ll take you now.”
The nurse’s urgent warnings echoed in my head.
“Miss Clara, specialist appointments are hard to get. You must arrive early that day!”
“If you miss this one, you’ll have to wait three more months! Your condition can’t wait any longer.”
The appointment time had passed three hours ago. The specialist was long gone.
So, even though I had so much I wanted to scream out,
In the end, it all dissolved into a faint sigh.
“It’s alright. No need.”
This was the tenth time I’d asked for a divorce.
He hated me so much, yet he refused to let me go.
Struggling to sit up, I sent a message back to the private investigator who’d sent me the photo.
“Bring Maya back.”
Maya was my sister.
Our mom and Ryan’s mom were best friends.
The three of them grew up together, practically childhood sweethearts.
She was lively and outgoing from a young age. Not only did Mrs. Hayes adore her, but Ryan also got along with her better.
They got engaged after they became adults.
I loved Ryan too.
But I blessed them, burying my secret crush deep in my heart.
I never expected the Hayes family to suddenly go bankrupt, and Ryan’s father to pass away.
Their wedding was postponed for a year.
My secret diary, filled with my feelings, was found by Maya.
Her eyes red-rimmed, she confronted me.
“Clara, if you loved Ryan, why didn’t you say anything? How can I marry him knowing this?”
Maya ran out, drinking herself into a stupor all night.
On her way home, her car plunged into the lake.
Only a female corpse, so waterlogged her face was unrecognizable, was found at the scene.
A red string bracelet on her wrist confirmed her identity.
Before Maya’s supposed death, she had texted Ryan: Clara loves you too. I don’t want to fight her for you. Let’s meet again in the next life!
Ryan, already grieving his father, then lost the woman he loved.
He hated me, and he married me.
He made me pay for my supposed sins, day and night.
But Maya had faked her death.
Now she was alive and well, picking up clients in a shady part of town.
The private investigator found that Maya had run off with a fake rich kid.
She probably looked down on Ryan, now bankrupt, so she faked her death to escape.
I glanced up at the man in the driver’s seat.
Ryan, I’m done. I don’t need to ‘atone’ for anything.
My check-up report arrived by mail the next day.
My hands trembled as I pulled out the results.
But seeing them, I felt a strange sense of relief.
Sitting at my dressing table, I cut off my waist-length hair with scissors.
I’d grown it for five years.
I didn’t feel a hint of regret.
Anyway, it would all fall out with chemotherapy.
Suddenly, Ryan’s face appeared in the mirror.
He stood behind me, raising an eyebrow slightly.
“What’s this? You were so cold to me yesterday, and now you’re cutting your hair short to try and win me over?”
“Don’t even think about trying to be like Maya. Even if you cut your hair short, that wicked personality of yours won’t change one bit!”
No histrionics like before.
This time, I spoke calmly.
“Just wanted to donate my hair to sick children.”
He, as usual, scoffed.
“If you were truly that kind, Maya wouldn’t have been killed by you!”
I didn’t reply.
He glared, then tossed a pale blue scarf at me.
“Cover up.”
I caught the scarf.
Skillfully, I tied it around my neck, hiding the red marks he’d left yesterday.
To outsiders, we were a loving couple, supporting each other through hard times.
When Ryan went bankrupt, I never abandoned him, always staying by his side.
For him, I worked late, tirelessly attending social events.
And he didn’t disappoint me, building his company into a major corporation in the state. He always brought me to important events.
Today was a networking event.
He still had to keep up appearances with me.
“Not arguing this time?”
Ryan stared at me, his eyes full of confusion.
Maya loved blue.
I hated it .
She was our mother’s favorite.
Whenever Maya got into trouble, I was the one who got blamed.
My mother would grab my hair, repeatedly forcing my head into a blue basin full of water.
Ryan knew all of it.
But he loved giving me blue dresses, jewelry, and bags the most.
Then he’d watch me fight him hysterically, only to cry and beg for his forgiveness.
For the past few years, I’d burned myself out trying to show him I married him because I loved him.
Not because I wanted to replace Maya.
So whenever he humiliated me this way, my reactions were always extreme.
Now, I just glanced down at the scarf.
“Thanks. It’s nice.”
I humored him, but his brows furrowed in annoyance. He looked like he wanted to say more.
The phone rang at that moment.
I stepped outside to answer it.
“We told Maya we found a big client for her, and she immediately agreed to come back. But to ‘package’ herself, she also asked us for money for a hymen repair surgery.”
I gave a muffled “hmm” and transferred the money.
“Thank you for your trouble.”
On the way to the venue, neither of us spoke a word.
After we entered hand-in-hand, he didn’t spare me another glance.
He immediately turned to network.
Someone pulled me aside.
It was Mrs. Peterson, the wife of a business partner.
“Clara, let the men talk business. Let’s step aside for some tea and a chat.”
Seeing me, these wives’ eyes lit up.
After all, the Hayes family’s current status made them worth paying attention to.
“Clara, don’t mind me saying this, but Ryan is so successful and handsome. So many eyes are on him! You really should have a child soon to solidify your position!”
They earnestly advised me in my ear, but my head was buzzing, unable to take it in.
A child?
It was impossible for us to have children.
At first, I thought my companionship could make him forget Maya.
The two of us, with our child, living happily ever after.
I’ll never forget that day.
Excitedly holding a pregnancy test, I tried to show it to him.
But all I got was his cold response.
“Get rid of it. You don’t deserve to carry my child.”
I had three abortions for him.
Uterine perforation, massive hemorrhage.
Scalding tears fell onto the cold operating table.
When the abortion consent form appeared before him,
Ryan finally showed the expression I’d imagined.
He simply nodded, satisfied.
The metallic taste of blood rose in my throat again.
I forced a smile.
“Well, they better hurry up, because Ryan and I are getting a divorce soon.”
Besides, his true love, Maya, was coming back.
The wives just thought I was joking.
“But your fourth anniversary is coming up, isn’t it? You really need to hold onto Ryan, especially with your contributions to his company going public!”
“Though Clara, you’re young, but you should still take care of yourself. Why are you so pale?”
I didn’t answer, just smiled faintly, swallowing the blood back down.
Ryan took the stage as an outstanding entrepreneur.
I no longer looked up at him constantly, like I used to.
Instead, I looked down at my phone.
I’d already chosen a hospital for myself abroad.
Mrs. Peterson was right. For our fourth anniversary, I was going to give Ryan a perfect gift. It would be an end to our messed-up relationship.
I felt a cold stare.
I looked up. Only to find Ryan frowning at me.
After he came down, his tone was very unpleasant.
“Clara, playing hard to get won’t work on me. Stop with the gloomy act!”
Playing hard to get?
Was he upset because I hadn’t been watching him?
“But don’t you always say my gaze makes you sick?”
For some reason, that sentence angered Ryan even more.
He drove off alone, leaving me stranded.
This was my normal.
The only wish I ever made was at a fountain, hoping he’d love me just a little more.
But even then, Ryan called me a murderer, said I didn’t deserve happiness.
He left me alone.
I was cornered by a few drunk men who started harassing me.
My phone was crushed underfoot, and my calf broke when I tripped on a step.
It ended up at the police station.
He didn’t come to pick me up.
Instead, he flew back home alone.
Taking a taxi home, I started packing my things.
There wasn’t much, really.
Ryan had made it clear this wasn’t my home. And I couldn’t keep too many personal items here.
Our fourth anniversary was three days away.
I told them to bring Maya back in three days.
I also called Ryan.
“In three days, you…”
He cut me off coldly. “Clara, do you have no shame?”
Then he smirked maliciously.
“I actually did prepare an anniversary gift for you.”
“I’m replacing the wedding photo in the living room with one of Maya and me.”
“You can stare at her every day and repent!”
He hung up before I could reply.
I looked up at the wedding photo in the living room.
It was our wedding, but only I was smiling.
The boy from my memories, who used to comfort me carefully after my mom punished me, was long gone.
Over these three days, I purged every trace of myself from the house.
And Ryan’s custom-ordered photo was already hanging in the living room.
The worker who delivered the photo glanced at me. “Mr. Hayes specifically asked for the lady of the house to sign for it.”
“The lady in the picture has a mole on her nose; please call her out!”
My numb heart still ached a little at that moment.
Later, the pain intensified as my illness flared up, my whole body throbbing.
Seeing my condition, the worker scurried away, muttering.
“Do stand-ins have no shame? Actually moving right in!”
On our anniversary, Ryan returned.
Seeing my continued silence, he sneered.
“When did you become so generous?”
“Let’s see how long you can keep up this act!”
Ignoring his sarcasm, I simply clapped my hands. “Ryan, I’m not happy with your gift. What I really want is the divorce papers.”
I placed the agreement in front of him.
“Impossible…”
His words hadn’t even finished when Maya was led before him.
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